Documents leaked from the EU's premier brick wall against which to bang your head, the Lisbon Implementation whilst Maintaining a Pretence of Fair, Amiable Governance, have shown, that in the event of another No vote by those 'bloody ungrateful paddies,' Brussel's Satsumas have not ruled out the Unclear Option.
This will involve the guaranteed, one hundred percent dismissal of the result (on the grounds that they didn't win) and the deployment of GPS guided stern looks and tutting barrages (of a ferocity not seen in civilised society since Mrs O'Murphy twice won the big prize down at the bingo hall where her son was manager) against all parties who supported the No Vote until they slink shamefacedly away and reconsider the concept of 'democratic will; as it should apply to the union'.
Apart from the Grandmother market likely experiencing a flurry of panic selling just prior to any pro Union news stories in the MSM the man on the street can expect the continued non-creation of the office of Feuhrer to continue to have absolutely no noticeable effect on his day to day life (why change a good thing?), unless he is naive enough to purchase some French cheese from one of those poxed up weekly Euro markets, although this has long been a constant peril for the unwary or adventurous shopper and those darn Frenchies were probably already spitting in it before you voted No the first time.
After a decent period of time (although achieving any semblance of decency will likely require a total reality inversion after already ignoring the result twice), strategists will decide whether they try to bribe, delude or just scare the bejayzus out of the Irish when another referendumb is scheduled...
Saturday 26 September 2009
Tuesday 22 September 2009
BBC Runs Interference?
Everybody should have an auntie as staunchly loyal as that wayward scamp the Labour party has, even if that relation has to ride roughshod over a Royal Charter as they defend them.
They spend the first 8 paragraphs of the latest update laying out the executive's defence, add a light sprinkling of Tory and Lib-Dem opinion before sneaking in Gordon Brown's alibi. As a final flourish they downplay the role of Attorney General and whip out the wooden spoon as they tag some 3rd rate blog grade spin the bottle speculation on the end of a serious news story in an attempt to diminish the whole affair.
Of course this is a third rate blog with a deeply ingrained cynical streak so I might be inadvertently short changing our much vaunted public service broadcasting corporation...
They spend the first 8 paragraphs of the latest update laying out the executive's defence, add a light sprinkling of Tory and Lib-Dem opinion before sneaking in Gordon Brown's alibi. As a final flourish they downplay the role of Attorney General and whip out the wooden spoon as they tag some 3rd rate blog grade spin the bottle speculation on the end of a serious news story in an attempt to diminish the whole affair.
Of course this is a third rate blog with a deeply ingrained cynical streak so I might be inadvertently short changing our much vaunted public service broadcasting corporation...
Monday 21 September 2009
Who Are These People?
I'd like to pull together the recent stories about teaching 5 year old kids to masturbate and the Independent Safeguard Authority's efforts to ensure unsavoury characters are not allowed access to young children as I wonder to myself whether all people involved in dreaming up these questionable edicts in the UNHCR have been vetted for suitability.
Oh what the heck, I've just come over all belt and braces. Let's run a check on every person with a connection to a child focused quango or government department to be on the safe side. The influence they wield over our children's personal development in some incredibly sensitive ways (allbeit at arms length) is considerable and I for one would feel somewhat reassured to know that the criminal records and personal circumstances of all personnel have been thoroughly checked...
Oh what the heck, I've just come over all belt and braces. Let's run a check on every person with a connection to a child focused quango or government department to be on the safe side. The influence they wield over our children's personal development in some incredibly sensitive ways (allbeit at arms length) is considerable and I for one would feel somewhat reassured to know that the criminal records and personal circumstances of all personnel have been thoroughly checked...
A Real Bronx Cheer
Fricken amazing isn't it. You pay for Boris Johnson to visit NY during these straitened times and he comes back with the idea that you should be paying to visit museums (just when you're counting the pennies) coz they are not a luxury-?? I'm sure one of them is going to smile so wide they disappear eventually when they think about the gift that keeps on giving.
Reading the story it would seem you would have got away with not feeling pressured into paying for stuff that's free if it weren't for those pesky 'cynical' kids questioning the value of not charging a museum admission fee. Although politicians have been at pains to show they really do take on board what young people say recently, which is a little disturbing after twelve years of Labour education policy...
Reading the story it would seem you would have got away with not feeling pressured into paying for stuff that's free if it weren't for those pesky 'cynical' kids questioning the value of not charging a museum admission fee. Although politicians have been at pains to show they really do take on board what young people say recently, which is a little disturbing after twelve years of Labour education policy...
Sunday 20 September 2009
Bumpf
I guess when your Technicolour tirades look as scruffy as an unmade bed and read as prettily as arf a sheep sloshing around a fish tank parody would be a bit of an anti-climax. Mind you I'm surprised you can even see 'em from all the way up there...
Saturday 19 September 2009
Sick, Sad World pt 1
Now I'm not a big city lawyer (ok so I'm not a small town lawyer either but I always wanted to say it...sadly I don't own a waistcoat to hook my thumbs in either so you'll just have to imagine that too) but I find agony aunt tv distasteful in the extreme, traipsing these mentally, morally and aesthetically challenged genetic train wrecks and their (occasionally) heartfelt anguish and personal problems across our screens for the titillation of the viewer. I cannot find a single positive in the genre, from the 'contestant's' side they are being exploited, ridiculed and having their dirty laundry waved about the head of the host in a most condescending and insensitive manner with little pretense at ceremony to the derision of the audience. I mean if they haven't yet caught on that she is really a he or that all those explicit texts ain't from a mischievous workmate then I doubt even the studio lighting will be bright enough to penetrate the gloomy depths of their consciousness to where the knowledge that you really can't catch the clap from a toilet seat lurks unheeded.
The audience fair little better, regression techniques should only be performed by qualified hypnotherapists in controlled circumstances. A Few hunnert foaming at the mouth daytime tv watchers who seem to think they're watching a Roman gladiatorial battle instead of the smoking wreckage of some poor shmo's life cannot help them retain what little humanity there is left to them. D'you think they flush with embarrassment when they consider the entertainment value of their own dirty little secrets? I wonder if their rank hypocrisy weighs heavy upon their brow, if nightmares of being exposed so nakedly in front of a baying audience of their culturally beggared confederates ever plague them, if they ever spare an empathetic thought for the human fodder that make up their light entertainment. Are people truly so blinded by the glitter and glamour of daytime tv that they will debase themselves so publicly to get their 15 minutes of fame? Or are they just incredibly fucking stupid?
The women's mags are no better. You pay your 80p and roll up, roll up your own personal sideshow of miserable humanity to pop in your handbag to peruse in private over a cup of tea and a slice of cake or three. You can goggle at the 80lb tumour, gasp in terror with the woman who married a rapist, shed a tear at the plight of brave little Timmy and then have your heartstrings plucked into a symphony of light by the amazing story of the orphaned siblings who unknowingly spent their adult lives living just streets apart. *Ugh* emotional porn, so much less honest or personally rewarding than the regular kind...
The audience fair little better, regression techniques should only be performed by qualified hypnotherapists in controlled circumstances. A Few hunnert foaming at the mouth daytime tv watchers who seem to think they're watching a Roman gladiatorial battle instead of the smoking wreckage of some poor shmo's life cannot help them retain what little humanity there is left to them. D'you think they flush with embarrassment when they consider the entertainment value of their own dirty little secrets? I wonder if their rank hypocrisy weighs heavy upon their brow, if nightmares of being exposed so nakedly in front of a baying audience of their culturally beggared confederates ever plague them, if they ever spare an empathetic thought for the human fodder that make up their light entertainment. Are people truly so blinded by the glitter and glamour of daytime tv that they will debase themselves so publicly to get their 15 minutes of fame? Or are they just incredibly fucking stupid?
The women's mags are no better. You pay your 80p and roll up, roll up your own personal sideshow of miserable humanity to pop in your handbag to peruse in private over a cup of tea and a slice of cake or three. You can goggle at the 80lb tumour, gasp in terror with the woman who married a rapist, shed a tear at the plight of brave little Timmy and then have your heartstrings plucked into a symphony of light by the amazing story of the orphaned siblings who unknowingly spent their adult lives living just streets apart. *Ugh* emotional porn, so much less honest or personally rewarding than the regular kind...
Just Bored
What is it with politicians and their wrinkle free image these days? If the idea stems from the same kinda shallow judgmental notions on the shallow judgmental nature of the electorate that ensures the scintillating aroma of subsidized tea and toast in the Parliament tea room is marred by some very suspect tastes in aftershave every morning, well, it ain't tickling my fancy. Gordon Brown is an aberration (in more ways than one) but he was never paraded like some sober suited rent/toy boy to try and seduce the venereal minded voting public into surrendering their will to his twinkling Colgate smile. (Don't worry I'll get to the point eventually-don't blame me if you're disappointed though).
I'm of opinion that the 'sex sells' school of ad campaigning has no place in the selection/election the leader of any country. Seriously, they're expecting lust or latent homosexual tendencies to influence you when you enter the booth. There is no accounting for taste though, coz it would appear a wave of abandoned masochism infected the nation, creating a desire to submit themselves totally to an unhinged maniacal freak, with the most unnerving eyes to stare out of a TV screen since little Charlie Manson's last TV special when Tony Blair was elected*.
Take a look at the smooth finish of the heir to blair, gaze adoringly upon the fine unlined features of an eternal optimist, and spare a moment to have a gander at the dead duck. Does anybody look in the teensiest bit statesman-like to you? Are we to believe these are the brightest of the bright in their respective parties? That they were picked (at least in the first two instances) for reasons totally unconnected with party political broadcast pin uppedness? Do you see a certain clone-like resemblance in their looks? Or is my political incorrectness kicking in and making me think all party leaders look the same?
Of course I'm not so unconcerned with appearances that I'd be happy for our lizard overlords to shed their human form and so be forced to endure a sight worse than this every time PMQ came around, but nor am I bothered if the PM looks a bit frayed around the edges. There is the possibility a face is pretty much all the contending parties are allowed to offer in the way of personal input, but that's a whole 'nother rant...
*I know the sentences tend to waffle on a bit but feel free to take a breath or close the page any time you get dizzy.
I'm of opinion that the 'sex sells' school of ad campaigning has no place in the selection/election the leader of any country. Seriously, they're expecting lust or latent homosexual tendencies to influence you when you enter the booth. There is no accounting for taste though, coz it would appear a wave of abandoned masochism infected the nation, creating a desire to submit themselves totally to an unhinged maniacal freak, with the most unnerving eyes to stare out of a TV screen since little Charlie Manson's last TV special when Tony Blair was elected*.
Take a look at the smooth finish of the heir to blair, gaze adoringly upon the fine unlined features of an eternal optimist, and spare a moment to have a gander at the dead duck. Does anybody look in the teensiest bit statesman-like to you? Are we to believe these are the brightest of the bright in their respective parties? That they were picked (at least in the first two instances) for reasons totally unconnected with party political broadcast pin uppedness? Do you see a certain clone-like resemblance in their looks? Or is my political incorrectness kicking in and making me think all party leaders look the same?
Of course I'm not so unconcerned with appearances that I'd be happy for our lizard overlords to shed their human form and so be forced to endure a sight worse than this every time PMQ came around, but nor am I bothered if the PM looks a bit frayed around the edges. There is the possibility a face is pretty much all the contending parties are allowed to offer in the way of personal input, but that's a whole 'nother rant...
*I know the sentences tend to waffle on a bit but feel free to take a breath or close the page any time you get dizzy.
The Internet (or) Don't Forget To wipe Your Feet On The Way Out
Navigating internet based fora and chatrooms can be a veritable minefield for the uninitiated, here is a simple guide to help prevent the noob from falling foul of the multitudinous, and oft times conflicting, rules of engagement.
(A) Acronym: Tactical deployment of these along with smilies are an invaluable asset when attempting to ingratiate yourself with the host community (an obsequious, fawning attitude is also helpful in this regard). They are also widely used to maintain a visible presence by the mentally or verbally challenged..or when you just got fkall to contribute.
(A/2) Arseholes: Be careful they are EVERYWHERE!
(B) Bastards: Heyy we all have off days.
(B/2) Broken Webcams: See Cybersex.
(B/3) Blogs/Blogging: As a general rule the comment sections are infinitely more informative and thought provoking than the reactionary and spittle flecked OP. If you decide to take up blogging and you want to get that visitor counter ticking like a good 'un, pick something to hate on (everybody likes to feel superior/victimised/marginalised/justified when entertaining their tribal instincts-validate them and they will come) naked pics also work.
(C) Cybersex: A commonly used way to become acquainted with the opposite sex on the internet (it's the virtual equivalent to a bunch of flowers, a movie of her choice and a nervous peck on the cheek at the end of the night). Great care should be taken when indulging in casual erotic exchanges with 'bored and horny' 18 year old students as it is not outside the realms of possibility she is actually an overweight, semi-erect council worker and labour party activist called Frank in an advanced state of undress. A malfunctioning webcam could be indicative of public sector pension security.
(D) Dilbert: A jawdroppingly unfunny cartoon that has been adopted as a totem by whineyarsed desk jockey bloggers everywhere to illustrate their downtrodden professional penury (avoid it like the plague coz you'll only feel inferior when you don't get it).
(D/2) Data: After much deliberation I gotta say I prefer him to Spock.
(E) e-commerce: As yet nobody has been able to ascertain exactly what this internet phenomena is. Although it is rumoured to involve vague political soundbites, mail order marital aids and the advancement towards a cashless society.
(E/2) Email/Emailing: A properly managed inbox can become a handy resource to keep you abreast of the latest trends and developments in counterfeit drugs/watches/handbags and magic pills that make your willy bigger. Also, you too can feel like a corporate bigshot as you rifle through the latest batch of multimillion £/$/€ business propositions involving the theft of other people's money. Emailing: Fear not if you lose track of vital email records, the Gov' collects details on EVERYTHING and probably already lost it before you did.
(F) Flibbertigibbet: Just goes to show you that even 'really kewl cuss words' [sic] can have macabre origins.
(F/2) Folding Sunglasses: Yes folks as you meander along the Information Superhappyfuntimehighway there is a possibility you will interact with somebody who still thinks these are a neat idea.
(F/3) Flaming/flame Baiting: Before you indulge in this exhilarating sport (it's the most effective way to emotionally destroy some poor soul, humiliating them in front of their friends and denuding them of every last shred of self respect over the internet..apart from joining a dating site and getting married) you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk? Flame Baiting: The flame baiter is the 5 times bankrupt, 3 times removed destitute cousin of the flamer. Already well aware that he/she doesn't have the juice, they will wax obnoxious until they get a bite and then scurry off to hide behind the coat tails of the nearest mod before someone tears them a new one (apparently manhood is measured in bananations in the sad, sticky Kleenex strewn alternate universe they inhabit). See also Sniping.
(G) Gluteus Maximus: Check regularly for bedsores, and ladies; you can expect it to start looking big in everything if you don't moderate your internet usage. Dinnae mither, it will still be here when you've made dinner, washed the pots, done the ironing and kicked the cat.
(G/2) Guides (to simplifying the internet) Seriously readers don't bother with them, it's much more fun playing it by ear and the self important windbags who write 'em will doubtless have an ulterior motive; such as keeping you away from all that lovely porn or...
(H) Healter Skelter: Oh come on! I don't care how much acid they dropped, you'd have to be completely squirrel shit to go a-murdering without first making sure there really was a giant hole in the middle of Death Valley for you to hide out in until the heat was off and you could safely return as rulers of the world..?...Never mind bonk L'il Charlie.
(H/2) Hiatus: I dunno what it means but I like the word and needed a break from compiling the serious stuff.
(I) Internet: Get it while it's hot folks coz plans are afoot (and even already in motion..ooh ooh do the locomotion..sorry 'bout that, I suffer from Little Eva syndrome, it's like Tourette's syndrome only marginally more embarrassing and liable for royalty payments) to make you pay for the good stuff and ensure everybody subscribes to the official version of reality.
(I/2) Inbreeding: How many toes can you count up to?
(J) Jesus Christ: This is bloody hard work!
K) Keyboard: You ain't gonna get very far without one.
(L) Leching: C'mon ladies showing a bit of flesh in your profile pics never hurt nobody and restraining orders are free.
(L/2) Leeching: Is a sin, y'awl should be ashamed of yourselves.
(M) Masturbation: Is not a sin, but for pity's sake put the damn mouse in a plastic bag if it's a communal pc.
(N) Nettitude: From time to time you will run into 24 karat plonkers who spend the time that isn't taken up with putting plastic bags on computer peripherals concocting excrutiatingly right on sounding new cyber terminology, like 'nettitude', 'noob' and 'no hun my name isn't Frank I'm getting a new cam next week'. Please read up on it for their sakes.
(O) Ordinary people: Scratch the surface and that's what you'll find....most of the time.
(P) Porn: Sheeeit man!
(P/2) Profile pics: Warning; contents may differ from illustration..wildly!
(Q) Query: Is Google really your friend?
(R) Religion: Miffed off Muslims, militant mackerel snappers, crazed cow worshippers in fact the selfish, demanding nature of garrulous God botherers of every ilk will seem as intimidating as the genitalia of a skinnydipping Swede in midwinter when compared with the single minded and uncompromising agenda of your common or garden atheist. Efforts made by normal people to infiltrate this shadowy and secretive cult have all been thwarted so we are unable to provide further information. Save to say give 'em a wide berth..and FFS do not ever feed one after midnight!
(S) Sniping (from the safety of other threads): If the flame baiter is the uncultured Yankee cousin to the Southern dandy flamer then your sniper is the mentally unstable half sister with the embarrassingly dark complexion that they keep locked in the cellar and feed on fish heads.
(T) Truth: It is out there (allegedly) but unfortunately no matter how far and wide you venture in your quest for it you are only ever going to find somebody's biased version of it (if you're lucky).
(U) U-571: See above, take a lesson and stop letting Hollywood colour your opinions idiots.
(V) Virgins: There are tons of undefiled users of a marriageable age available on the internet, They all seem to live in their mother's basements, have firmly entrenched opinions on who was the best Captain and are the world's leading consumer group of cheeseburgers, Star Wars memorabilia and hand lotion.
(W) WWW: I have yet to see a numerology site that has had a bash at this.
(W/2) Wit: The whole world wide web is a stage and everyone's a critic. Don't be afraid to have a go though, the internet employs highly trained sycophants who will 'LOL' for you no matter how corny or offensive your funny is.
(X) X$@£ it!: I'm stumped for something to put here, excuse my language.
(Y) You: Really would be better served joining a library.
(Z) Zing: Don'tcha just love it when a plan comes together?
(A) Acronym: Tactical deployment of these along with smilies are an invaluable asset when attempting to ingratiate yourself with the host community (an obsequious, fawning attitude is also helpful in this regard). They are also widely used to maintain a visible presence by the mentally or verbally challenged..or when you just got fkall to contribute.
(A/2) Arseholes: Be careful they are EVERYWHERE!
(B) Bastards: Heyy we all have off days.
(B/2) Broken Webcams: See Cybersex.
(B/3) Blogs/Blogging: As a general rule the comment sections are infinitely more informative and thought provoking than the reactionary and spittle flecked OP. If you decide to take up blogging and you want to get that visitor counter ticking like a good 'un, pick something to hate on (everybody likes to feel superior/victimised/marginalised/justified when entertaining their tribal instincts-validate them and they will come) naked pics also work.
(C) Cybersex: A commonly used way to become acquainted with the opposite sex on the internet (it's the virtual equivalent to a bunch of flowers, a movie of her choice and a nervous peck on the cheek at the end of the night). Great care should be taken when indulging in casual erotic exchanges with 'bored and horny' 18 year old students as it is not outside the realms of possibility she is actually an overweight, semi-erect council worker and labour party activist called Frank in an advanced state of undress. A malfunctioning webcam could be indicative of public sector pension security.
(D) Dilbert: A jawdroppingly unfunny cartoon that has been adopted as a totem by whineyarsed desk jockey bloggers everywhere to illustrate their downtrodden professional penury (avoid it like the plague coz you'll only feel inferior when you don't get it).
(D/2) Data: After much deliberation I gotta say I prefer him to Spock.
(E) e-commerce: As yet nobody has been able to ascertain exactly what this internet phenomena is. Although it is rumoured to involve vague political soundbites, mail order marital aids and the advancement towards a cashless society.
(E/2) Email/Emailing: A properly managed inbox can become a handy resource to keep you abreast of the latest trends and developments in counterfeit drugs/watches/handbags and magic pills that make your willy bigger. Also, you too can feel like a corporate bigshot as you rifle through the latest batch of multimillion £/$/€ business propositions involving the theft of other people's money. Emailing: Fear not if you lose track of vital email records, the Gov' collects details on EVERYTHING and probably already lost it before you did.
(F) Flibbertigibbet: Just goes to show you that even 'really kewl cuss words' [sic] can have macabre origins.
(F/2) Folding Sunglasses: Yes folks as you meander along the Information Superhappyfuntimehighway there is a possibility you will interact with somebody who still thinks these are a neat idea.
(F/3) Flaming/flame Baiting: Before you indulge in this exhilarating sport (it's the most effective way to emotionally destroy some poor soul, humiliating them in front of their friends and denuding them of every last shred of self respect over the internet..apart from joining a dating site and getting married) you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk? Flame Baiting: The flame baiter is the 5 times bankrupt, 3 times removed destitute cousin of the flamer. Already well aware that he/she doesn't have the juice, they will wax obnoxious until they get a bite and then scurry off to hide behind the coat tails of the nearest mod before someone tears them a new one (apparently manhood is measured in bananations in the sad, sticky Kleenex strewn alternate universe they inhabit). See also Sniping.
(G) Gluteus Maximus: Check regularly for bedsores, and ladies; you can expect it to start looking big in everything if you don't moderate your internet usage. Dinnae mither, it will still be here when you've made dinner, washed the pots, done the ironing and kicked the cat.
(G/2) Guides (to simplifying the internet) Seriously readers don't bother with them, it's much more fun playing it by ear and the self important windbags who write 'em will doubtless have an ulterior motive; such as keeping you away from all that lovely porn or...
(H) Healter Skelter: Oh come on! I don't care how much acid they dropped, you'd have to be completely squirrel shit to go a-murdering without first making sure there really was a giant hole in the middle of Death Valley for you to hide out in until the heat was off and you could safely return as rulers of the world..?...Never mind bonk L'il Charlie.
(H/2) Hiatus: I dunno what it means but I like the word and needed a break from compiling the serious stuff.
(I) Internet: Get it while it's hot folks coz plans are afoot (and even already in motion..ooh ooh do the locomotion..sorry 'bout that, I suffer from Little Eva syndrome, it's like Tourette's syndrome only marginally more embarrassing and liable for royalty payments) to make you pay for the good stuff and ensure everybody subscribes to the official version of reality.
(I/2) Inbreeding: How many toes can you count up to?
(J) Jesus Christ: This is bloody hard work!
K) Keyboard: You ain't gonna get very far without one.
(L) Leching: C'mon ladies showing a bit of flesh in your profile pics never hurt nobody and restraining orders are free.
(L/2) Leeching: Is a sin, y'awl should be ashamed of yourselves.
(M) Masturbation: Is not a sin, but for pity's sake put the damn mouse in a plastic bag if it's a communal pc.
(N) Nettitude: From time to time you will run into 24 karat plonkers who spend the time that isn't taken up with putting plastic bags on computer peripherals concocting excrutiatingly right on sounding new cyber terminology, like 'nettitude', 'noob' and 'no hun my name isn't Frank I'm getting a new cam next week'. Please read up on it for their sakes.
(O) Ordinary people: Scratch the surface and that's what you'll find....most of the time.
(P) Porn: Sheeeit man!
(P/2) Profile pics: Warning; contents may differ from illustration..wildly!
(Q) Query: Is Google really your friend?
(R) Religion: Miffed off Muslims, militant mackerel snappers, crazed cow worshippers in fact the selfish, demanding nature of garrulous God botherers of every ilk will seem as intimidating as the genitalia of a skinnydipping Swede in midwinter when compared with the single minded and uncompromising agenda of your common or garden atheist. Efforts made by normal people to infiltrate this shadowy and secretive cult have all been thwarted so we are unable to provide further information. Save to say give 'em a wide berth..and FFS do not ever feed one after midnight!
(S) Sniping (from the safety of other threads): If the flame baiter is the uncultured Yankee cousin to the Southern dandy flamer then your sniper is the mentally unstable half sister with the embarrassingly dark complexion that they keep locked in the cellar and feed on fish heads.
(T) Truth: It is out there (allegedly) but unfortunately no matter how far and wide you venture in your quest for it you are only ever going to find somebody's biased version of it (if you're lucky).
(U) U-571: See above, take a lesson and stop letting Hollywood colour your opinions idiots.
(V) Virgins: There are tons of undefiled users of a marriageable age available on the internet, They all seem to live in their mother's basements, have firmly entrenched opinions on who was the best Captain and are the world's leading consumer group of cheeseburgers, Star Wars memorabilia and hand lotion.
(W) WWW: I have yet to see a numerology site that has had a bash at this.
(W/2) Wit: The whole world wide web is a stage and everyone's a critic. Don't be afraid to have a go though, the internet employs highly trained sycophants who will 'LOL' for you no matter how corny or offensive your funny is.
(X) X$@£ it!: I'm stumped for something to put here, excuse my language.
(Y) You: Really would be better served joining a library.
(Z) Zing: Don'tcha just love it when a plan comes together?
Friday 18 September 2009
Illegal Immigrante Flagrante Delicto
Jeezus man! I dimly recall reading summat about 2 pound in weight gained for every month in public office (or something similar) tbh it sounded as likely as ol' Gordie coming first in a truth telling contest two towns over to me, but somebody really ought to have told Baroness Scotland you aren't required to take it all on the chin, still when you're living off the fat of the land.. might as well flaunt it.
I remember when she first came to prominence in Parliament. Apart from shuddering as I imagined the near orgasmic paroxysms of politically correct delight that must have engulfed the erstwhile engineers of our brave new pigeon hole society as they installed a shiny new BEM female government minister in those institutionally racialist Houses of Parliament, I thought she was kinda cute for a running dog of the race untrusty. But now-WOW- the diminution of her aesthetic appeal leads one to wonder whether she has:
(a) been kidnapped
(b) absconded with half the treasury
(c) cast off the capitalist/fascist/plastic fantastic trappings of state and society and gone to live, love and light up a big fat one in some compost commune deep in the wilds of Nottinghamshire,
a/b/c-- and Harridan Harman in blind panic at losing a twofer out of the sisterhood replaced her with a not very like look-a-like.
(d) -and this one may actually hold some water- they say dogs start to resemble their owners, well the inhabitants of both houses are by and large a rough looking bunch and maybe her office was too close to a portrait of old Winston and she's coming out in jowl sympathy.
(e) I think I'd better lay off her looks now coz I'm no oil painting myself.
So, on to the meat, two veg, yorkshire pudding, bottle of chilled chablis and absolutely divine pudding of the matter at hand. She wrote the rules, didn't abide by them and now her fudgers-in-law are trying to brush her oversight under the carpet when the law says pay up.. and would you credit it? They want to set up another freaking database to stop it happening again!
Rules is rules you incompetent, conniving contemptibles. Pay yer fine dear, fall on yer sword and stop pretending we're *completely* stupid and room 101 really exists.
I thank you...
I remember when she first came to prominence in Parliament. Apart from shuddering as I imagined the near orgasmic paroxysms of politically correct delight that must have engulfed the erstwhile engineers of our brave new pigeon hole society as they installed a shiny new BEM female government minister in those institutionally racialist Houses of Parliament, I thought she was kinda cute for a running dog of the race untrusty. But now-WOW- the diminution of her aesthetic appeal leads one to wonder whether she has:
(a) been kidnapped
(b) absconded with half the treasury
(c) cast off the capitalist/fascist/plastic fantastic trappings of state and society and gone to live, love and light up a big fat one in some compost commune deep in the wilds of Nottinghamshire,
a/b/c-- and Harridan Harman in blind panic at losing a twofer out of the sisterhood replaced her with a not very like look-a-like.
(d) -and this one may actually hold some water- they say dogs start to resemble their owners, well the inhabitants of both houses are by and large a rough looking bunch and maybe her office was too close to a portrait of old Winston and she's coming out in jowl sympathy.
(e) I think I'd better lay off her looks now coz I'm no oil painting myself.
So, on to the meat, two veg, yorkshire pudding, bottle of chilled chablis and absolutely divine pudding of the matter at hand. She wrote the rules, didn't abide by them and now her fudgers-in-law are trying to brush her oversight under the carpet when the law says pay up.. and would you credit it? They want to set up another freaking database to stop it happening again!
Rules is rules you incompetent, conniving contemptibles. Pay yer fine dear, fall on yer sword and stop pretending we're *completely* stupid and room 101 really exists.
I thank you...
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